This post is going to be a little bit more on the personal side, but I feel like I'm ready to start sharing my story with others. So for the past year I've been on this journey of healing long time emotional wounds. And apart of this journey, I began to seek out therapy. It started about last spring when I was in the midst of this really bad job... which I always mention on here because it was this HUGE red flag that I believe the universe "gifted" me...to force me to shift everything in my life. Because I suffered so much in this role, it started to surface a lot of repressed emotions that I thought I had already dealt with. A lot of you may not know this, but I was not raised by my biological mother and I didn't find out who this woman was until I was 20 years old. But she or that situation is not the purpose of this post, that can be shared another time lol. So I'm going to be really honest and say that I started to use alcohol as a crutch. By no means would I consider myself an alcoholic, but I definitely drank in excess to "blow off steam." I noticed that every time I drank my weekends away, I would wake up feeling regretful and sad, ultimately driving myself into a mild form of depression. That's when my husband suggested I start seeing a therapist.
From therapy, I definitely received much needed clarity and confidence that I actually was able to quit my job. I think that's when I started to begin to understand that this was far more than my job, it was my past creeping into my present trying to make me deal with it. I was on a pretty successful path and then I got married and really just tried to soak up the time with my husband before he deployed. For the record, I say that with no resentment, it's just the truth. However, as my husband is now deployed, I now have this 7-8 months to work on just ME. So I decided to go back to therapy and really just finish where I left off. As I was driving to this consultation appointment with a new therapist, I started to think back to when I first started therapy last year. I remember driving there and forcing myself to verbally explain my childhood and the dynamics of my family. I did this so that I was able to get all the tears out and I wouldn't have to cry uncontrollably in front of a stranger. That didn't work lol. I cried in the car AND I cried on her couch. So on my way to this last appointment, I tried to do the same thing. I actually didn't even cry and felt excited to share my story! When I walked in and sat down, she began to ask about my upbringing and I did tear up a little bit. To be honest, it felt great. I sat there thinking to myself, "Wow! I've grown so much! Why am I even here?" People tell me this all the time and I brush it off but for the first time in my life, I truly acknowledged my strength.
After our first appointment, I reflected on this past year, and I realized though my therapy visits halted, I've grown in larger ways. I've become more compassionate towards my SELF and in the process have deepened my spirituality. Through energy healing practices like yoga, meditation, reiki, changing my diet, crystals & connecting with other healers, I have developed a greater understanding of my divinity and the trials and tribulations that surround it. When it comes down to it, everything is energy: the sun that grows the food we eat, which affects the cells in our bodies, affecting our own energy levels and moods, trickling down to the way we perceive our self and others, energy is the root of everything. By no means do I dismiss my therapist and/or the practice of psychology, it is very much necessary. However, we can grow and heal from our past in many modalities, and for me, it's been through the very things I practice for a living (what a coincidence, #DUH) In the end, we all process and grow in various ways. No way is right or wrong. The very things I used to get me this far may not be things that resonate with you, and that's okay. However, if you're interested in any of the above mentioned, I am so happy to answer any of your questions! Just send me a message :)